And All I Think About Is You

Hey everyone! Yes, I am posting at 1:30 in the morning, and no, it's not weird. Haha(: I couldn't sleep. I had a nightmare. Had one last night too, though when I woke up then it was 7 in the morning, not 1. But when you dream about fighting a (talking) cougar, barely getting away, and the person you were texting report it while it stalks around your house just wasn't something I could recover from very quickly.

And dreaming that your best friend died isn't isn't just jolly rainbows and butterflies either....

I woke up crying yesterday because I dreamed my best friend had died. Yeah, the one I talk about frequently on here. (If you haven't guessed, I might as well just come out with it....he's my crush *cringe*) (Yes, he knows. No, it's not weird. Yes, we flirt all the time. No, he's nothing but my friend, and close one at that). Yeah, so, now that I've admitted that.....I shall go on.  It was the scariest dream ever. He died in that dream. I woke up crying, with this hole in my chest. I had to convince myself he was still alive. That I would see him in two weeks. To calm down.

But it made me think. Is that what love is? Where you'd do anything for them. Whether they asked or not. Where losing that one person makes you think I can't do this. Even though I didn't  really lose him, the thought, even subconsciously, made me just......

Maybe I've let myself get to close. Maybe I'm just scared that the one person who's even showed minor interest in helping me since I was around age 8 with my problems is going to leave and I'm going to be alone again. And that's just being selfish. I think? I've forgotten what it's like to have someone to trust, who hasn't turned their back on me because they think that I think that I'm better than them, when in reality, I'm much more down-grading on myself than they'll ever be.  But no one knows that. No one knows how hard I push myself, not to show that I'm better than them, but to prove to myself that I can.To prove that I can be just as good at something as someone else. But no one understands that. Guess I'm to competitive.

I don't know if any of that made sense. It's one o' clock, and those are just thoughts that hit me now. That, and I'm extremely hungry, haha(:

So, I guess you can comment your thoughts on that if you'd like, but I thought I would share some pictures, and tomorrow (or..I guess later today? Lol I don't have school today so....) I'll get a post up about what I've been doing and some pictures!(:

Much Love,
Bree<3