If I Fall I Will Rise Back Up And Relive My Glory

Hi everyone! So, about my post yesterday. I guess I owe you a little bit of an explanation, going two weeks without posting and then posting something......that depressing.

Anyways, I'll start it out this way. I have.....let's say three layers. Main layers. There are a few complex other layers, but three main one's. And you see each one as you get to know me. The first isn't really all that exciting.It's my guarded stage. It's my "I'm not sure if I should trust you because I honestly don't know you but I'll be nice and give you advice." stage of mind. This doesn't last all that long. I'm extremely trusting, and it get's me hurt quite a bit. Runs in the family I have learned. But in that stage, I'm not exactly cold, just...guarded. Extremely.

The second is my crazy stage. I'm the most outlandish, hyper person ever. It's my fun stage, the way I am with most people I hang out with. You know, the way you get around your best friends? That's my second stage. You can know me for forever and only see up to this stage. You might get a peek at the second, but that one stays hidden, stuck in the back of my mind only to come out around certain people.

The third one is my deep stage. This stage maybe ten people have seen. This is my serious side, my writing side, my secret (although it's not too secret anymore) love for "emo music" (I prefer music with meaning, but you won't necessarily get my meaning if I say that. I don't like stereotyping). It's where all my deeper meaning thoughts go, the ones that run around in my head at night. It's where the haunting memories live, the people I miss like crazy and love so much that they always hold a special place in my heart. This is also my vulnerable side (at least I think it is). This is the side of my that is scared to trust. That is the side where all my fears come out "What if I won't ever be able to fly?"  "What if I never write a book?" "What if I won't be able to get into the air force?" "What if I never get to follow any of my dreams?"  These thoughts haunt me all the time. All.The.Time. And I have to remind myself that if I trust God that they will. I know they will if I try hard enough. Pray hard enough. Trust hard enough.

Well, way to get off track there. Anyways, that third side is also very rarely seen. Only one actual person has seen it. And my blog. And my journal (if that counts). And sometimes I can't talk to that one person. Sometimes I can't talk to anyone. So it's easier to talk to people I've ever actually met, and to get advice that way. I've been back-stabbed way less this way. I've been judged and talked about a lot less too. It gives me a place to vent and get advice at the same time.

Oh, and I'm not normally that way. Usually I push all this to the back of my mind and focus on helping other people. I don't like admitting I need help until I absolutely have to. It's a bad habit, I know. Usually I only pick one day every few months to break down. The rest of the time I'm letting people break down and talking them through it. Just...letting you know.

So tomorrow I'll have a much more upbeat post! Promise! Hugs!(:

Oh and I HAVE to share this song! It's their new one!! (:

Much Love!(:
 -Bree♥