*Y'all don't have to read this.I just need to talk to someone. Like,now.Sorry if it's a jumbled mess, that's how I'm feeling.And this really helped me feel better.*
I am just so confused right now. I feel so cut off from my childhood. My two cousins, who I used to always look up to,have basically up and left me. They did years ago,but it's just now getting to me. And my other two best friends from way back when? Yeah,haven't seen one in person in years and the other I haven't talked to since July. And I really miss them all.
I have lost so many best friends. 8 or 9 that I can think of just off the top of my head. About 4th grade I lost the best friend I had had since KG. She just moved to a different school,that's it. I became really clingy then,and I still am. I hate being alone. But I hate the fact that I am lost without one of my best friends. And I'm sick of it! I can't figure out why,but I'm done with it! I pretend I'm someone I'm not sometimes and it kills me!
I just want to burst out crying. I don't know what good it would do,but I hate this. I hate how I don't care how I look at some times and others I just want to start crying that I'm to skinny and I want to gain weight. But I don't need to! People tell me all the time how lucky I am,and I know I am. But I just....don't know... :(
I'm done with this drama. I care for everyone,but if you have a problem with me you need to tell me! And if you get mad at me and don't tell me why? Yeah,I'm gonna be done with you faster than you can say sorry. Sorry,but it's the truth.
I'm sick of feeling responsible for the basketball games we play.It's a team effort,but if I'm gonna get yelled at,I might forget that basketball's my life and that we only have 2 7th graders and a 6 with a bunch of 5. I will quit. The only reason I'm playing is because I love the sport,not because I have to.
I'm just sick of everything! I've been praying,and I know life's gonna get better,but I've been carrying this stuff around me almost my whole life. Some of it is more recent.But I'm just SO.DANG. SICK. OF IT!
I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of pretenders. I'm sick of hiding. I'm just sick of everything. I want to be myself. But everytime I try I get scared and go back to being a fake version of myself. And I'm just plain sick of it.
That is the hard part of life. I think we all go through it at one time or another.
ReplyDeleteI have, like 2 times, and it does sucks.
But you are right, it does get better, it just takes some time.
THe sad thing is, when you look back on it in the future, it all seems so childish and mediocre.
I hope things get better soon for you :)
sorry you're feeling down :( that really sucks -- i know what you mean. some days i'm fine, but other days i feel like such a fake.
ReplyDeletei hope you feel better soon♥ (and by the way, BE GRATEFUL you're skinny. the grass is NOT greener on this side. trust me) ;)