I'm Smiling Because I DESERVE To

I love that quote. Lately I've been thinking.  About everything. About how I really regret some things that have passed. Fourth grade to be exact, and one time in fifth. I changed that year, although it wasn't for the best. That was the year I started to become who I am today, but I don't think I started off on the right path. I've always been shy. Quiet. Fourth grade I barely said two words to anyone but three of my closest friends. And I barely said two words to them half the time. I remember the good things about that year, how I really got into basketball (I've always loved it, but I actually really started playing that year), I became the first fourth grade representative in Student Counsel (They'd had one before, but I was the first in years), and that was the year I set my reading record (which, I should mention, no one has beaten (:  ). But I remember the bad things. I lost friends then, and I was the weirdest person ever (and not the good weird I am today...the bad weird...and trust me, you don't even want to know what that is).  Fifth was better. Except for one thing. I remember it clearly. I had (and still have unfortunately) a teacher who you got along with fine unless you lied to her. I've never lied to her, until that time. She came in and asked who had been cussing (back then it was "cool". I've never done it, and don't plan on it either). The people who had raised their hands. I just stood where I was, but froze. I hadn't. This next part wouldn't make me so mad if she had looked around the room, but no, she looked directly at me and said "Don't lie, I've already been told who has.". And. I raised my hand. She made me lie to her. She didn't know anything, but she made me lie to her. I feel so sick!  I felt sick then too! My homeroom teacher looked at me and shook her head. I wanted to cry. She was so disappointed in me. But I hadn't! And I didn't stand up for myself.

I doubt anyone remembers it now, but it haunts me. Every. Night. That I stood there, like a deer in headlights, and raised my hand. I lied.

And afterwards. Everyone saw how she made me raise my hand. How she looked directly at me. They saw how close to tears I was. My close friends tried to comfort me, tell me that they'd never heard me use that vulgar language and how dare her! I didn't tell my parents. I should have though. She's done so much to make my life miserable, and I don't even know why! I mean, she's even called some of my classmates and me followers! While calling her students leaders.  I'm a good student, and you can call me the teachers pet, I don't mind. I am really. But....I don't know.

I had to get that out. It's been eating at me. I regret it. So much.  But, here's a couple of pictures I found that have made my day a bit better(:

Thanks for reading(:
Much Love,
Bree<3